I Hate This Part

I hate having to say it out loud...to even type it out loud......sending it out there to the universe, because once it is out there the bad dream is no longer a bad dream. You know that it is not something crazy you just invented. It becomes real. Maybe it really is a bad dream right now. Maybe I'm having an out of body experience. But I know once I type those words and press send that it will become reality. My baby died. There I said it. It really is happening for the 4th time. I can't believe it. I was so positive about this one. I really felt things were going to work out this time.

Well, now I can craft again. Now my feet will quit being cold. Now I will hopefully stop throwing up. Now I will gain some energy back. But even these feeble attempts at making myself feel better doesn't make me feel better. I really wanted that baby. I could really see myself hauling three kids around. You'd think it would get easier after having delt with it 3 other times. I'm not really trying to fish for sympathy right now....I hate to make this kind of stuff public, but I guess I did need to print a retraction from my last blog post. It's like telling people you are going to be the main part in a production and then when you've got everyone's attention you pee your pants and fall on your face when trying to run away. I hate that. I just needed to get my thoughts out of my head before I go mad. It still feels sort of surreal. This day threw me a curve ball and I got blind-sided by it. Sorry to have posted the last post and then this one.

It is sad...

....that to lose 18 pounds I have to get pregnant. That's right. Got a little Jason Jr. in the oven. I'm 10 weeks along and pretty excited in a sadistic kind of way I guess. Maybe pchologically I really like the torture my girls put me through. Good thing they are cute ;) No really, I'm excited.
So there has been no posting because all I really had energy to do was get my girls food and throw up. No crafts to post, well exept for 2 fixed up shirts and 3 Christmas pillows I made before I got sick (no pics because no energy). I haven't even felt like crafting at all!!!! Can you believe that me, the project queen, has no desire to craft?!?!?!?! It is sickening I tell you. But I found a picture I like and it is on the side of my blog. "I'm so crafty I make people." That about sums it up right now. Jason + Me = Baby #3

Side note: Sophie's hand is doing great. My little nephew got burned really bad with boiling water and spent 5 days in the hospital. He's a special boy and we hope he make a quick recovery. What is up with the burns in our family!?!?