People are often unreasonable and self-centered. Forgive them anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you of ulterior motives. Be kind anyway.
If you are honest, people may cheat you. Be honest anyway.
If you find happiness, people may be jealous. Be happy anyway.
The good you do today may be forgotten tomorrow. Do good anyway.
Give the world your best and it may never be enough. Give your best anyway.
For you see, in the end, it is between you and God. It never was between you and them anyway.
-Mother Teresa

Friday, June 24, 2011

The unveiling...........

So here we are. At the point in which planning gets kicked up a notch. Do I start making boy blankets or start finding all my girl supplies? Can I start spending money or do I save some by spending only a little;)? Do I keep the old manual or get a new one?

And the verdict is most positively, unquestionably, with out a doubt......

To say that I wasn't shocked would be a fib. However, I am not disappointed. A healthy baby was what I wanted and that's what I'm getting! She looked great in there and was maybe as active as her big sis was. That is a maybe, cause I don't know if many could beat Sophie. Anyway, I got home court advantage, I don't need a new manual. I know the plumbing and drama girls have. Bring it on!!

Monday, June 20, 2011

I need to squeeze the lemon

Name that movie:)

My mom came here a week ago to help and enough cannot be said of her goodness to us. We appreciate her so much for this kindness. Jason has felt a huge weight lifted and even seems happier when he comes home:) Thanks to my dad too, who is going without her. We are going to have to move in a month or two and that has been a stress on me because it will pretty much be up to me to pack up. So she has started on some things that we aren't using and that is a huge relief as well.

I got my tube replaced and it seems to be working well. Found out that it doesn't matter how I take my meds. By mouth, or in the tube to my stomach or intestines, I'm going to be sick, sick, sick. So if I take it or not, it's kind of a lose/lose situation really. However, I have an ultrasound on Friday so we get to see if we need to learn a new plumbing system or not:)
I've picked up scrapbooking again since sitting up to the sewing machine isn't working out at the moment. My laptop is on a little table next to the couch and I can lay here and do it easily enough when I feel good. Typing is harder, but oh well.

My girls say the darndest things....

We were talking about the girls clothes sizes and how Regan is growing into size 6. "Does that mean I'm 6 years old?" she asked. Sophie is into size 5, except that she has a small bum and could wear a 4 still. She let out a cry of indignation and Regan consoled her by telling her not to worry, she had a big bum. Hehehe.....only time in your life where a big bum is desirable.

At the dinner table, Regan said, "What if the baby comes out a vegetarian? What would we do then?" idea....good question. What if it comes out a democrat?
"What's a democrat?"
Just eat your dinner sis.

Stay tuned for the unveiling of baby joys private materials:) This is suga' tits signin' off......ya'll come back now, ya hear?

Sunday, June 12, 2011

4th times a charm?

Thursday Jason and I "celebrated" our 10th anniversary. Crazy I tell ya. I can't believe it has been that long. Time flies when your having fun. Jason said that we could celebrate it in January. I didn't understand. He said that maybe I would be feeling better by then. In that case, let's make it March just to be sure. We went to Olive Garden with the girls. I had a bread stick and was stuffed. The girls told the waitress their life story and she was a very sweet listener.

I'm sitting on the couch with the girls watching a Donald Duck dvd, which Sophie is in love with. She giggles and thinks it is so funny. Regan will laugh but not at the expense of Donald. She keeps telling me and Sophie to stop laughing at Donald. She feels bad for him. "We need to listen to him and never laugh at him or make fun of him." My little animal rights activist. She may be joining forces with PEETA soon.

In other news, my tube got a clog that would not be unclogged. I worked on it for a couple hours. My doctor worked on it for a half hour. All to no avail. So I had to be scheduled to get it replaced. I went in Friday afternoon for the procedure and talked to the doc about keeping the bridle (nose ring suture) out this time. My nose was SOOOOOO sore from being yanked on about 50 times a day. And it has created a cold sore where it was sitting. My cold sore has now spread to the left top and bottom of my lips. Ouch! They were concerned about the girls pulling it out, but we decided that I could get it put in later if it became a problem. While putting it down, the camera showed that I have gastritis which would explain why I feel so bloated and can't eat more than a few bites of anything without feeling terribly full.

So after I woke up from anesthesia, my throat was irritated and I coughed and part of the tube came up. This made me start vomiting violently and each time more of the tube would come up. So much of it came up that the whole thing had to be taken out because it was clearly out of my intestines. I ended up waiting another couple hours for an available doctor to put it in again. This time they put a dissolvable clamp at the end of the tube and clamped it to my intestine. It only lasts a few hours. Long enough for the nausea and coughing to abate.

That night, I'm sitting on the couch and Regan is acting like a wild animal and falls on the tubing. I'm sure that if I had a bridle in my nose it would have ripped through half my nasal septum. As it was, the tubing pulled out quite a bit. I was able to shove most of it in and just prayed that it hadn't come out of my intestines.

I haven't taken my meds for a couple weeks now because they make me terribly sick. The doctor was concerned about me not taking them and said I could crush most of them up and put it through the tube so it wouldn't sit in my stomach if taken by mouth. So I did that the next morning. After a couple hours I got very sick and started throwing up fluids and my meds. I didn't drink anything that morning, so I knew that my tube had pulled out of my intestines and was now draining in my stomach. I was so bloated that morning and in pain. I couldn't finish my whole feeding. I was sick all day yesterday and because of the gastritis, I've had to slow my feeding down so it goes all day.

I hate to think what my dr is going to say when I call him tomorrow. I'll have to get this dag-blasted thing replaced again. They'll put the bridle in this time for sure :( Maybe 4th times a charm?

Saturday, June 4, 2011

Life with a tube....

How do I put this in words that are adequate enough to describe the full spectrum of emotion one feels when inserted with a 150cm tube? IT SUCKS!!! Not adequate enough? I'll give more detail...

Imagine you have a sore throat. Not just a little tickle, or an irritation that you can ignore most of the time. This sore throat has spawned from the very depths of hell, threatening to choke you and cut you off from the very air that you breath. Strep throat......child's play. The pain reaches to my ear so I can't lay on my right side. I think they scratched my throat on the way down and it swelled and for a few days. It was all I could do not to go screaming in madness...if I could have screamed, which I doubt. I could barely talk above a whisper. Water barely made it down.

Imagine a smell that you have come to associate with nursing homes, being thrust down your nose for 19 hours a day. I have worked in nursing homes. And I do NOT like vanilla Ensure. Then you have to flush the tube every 4 hours with water so it doesn't get plugged and a new wave of nursing home floods the tube once it's reinserted.

Imagine you have a tape adhesive allergy. You wake up from the tube placing procedure and find medical tape strapping the tube to your face. Now when you get home and collect all your senses, you take the tape off and find a nice red patch where the tape had been. Brilliant. And it's still there.....over a week later. Lovely.

Imagine that the doctors don't want this tube to be pulled out, so they tie some string around the tube, pull the string around your nasal septum and come back around to the same spot and tie it off. Great thought all on it's own, but sometimes the tube gets heavy and you cannot strap this tube to your face with tape to keep it in place. If the tubing falls, or you forget how the tube limits your movement, this causes a great pull on your highly sensitive nose ring. You might say $%*&!!! (Don't imagine this part too hard, I don't want your eyes to water.)

Imagine that you still can't tolerate food by mouth and are throwing up several times a day, or in most cases dry heaving since you don't dare attempt even apple sauce, and a few inches of the tube comes up every time you do. This makes you heave more, especially when you have to shove the tube back down, hoping that it is still in your intestine and not in your stomach.

Imagine that this tube has created some gnarly, super stinky, green boogers backed up into your sinus cavity that like to drain down your throat and gag you. It is like swamp thing has checked into a nursing home.

Imagine that after a week long horrific bout of constipation because of all this "nutrition", you find that you have lost more weight (while receiving 1900 calories/day)!! Down 25 lbs and not sure if this thing is working at all!!!!

Then imagine that you go to the doctor for all this hassle and they are showing about as much sympathy as a maimed clown holding a homeless sign. Then they can't find the babies heart beat, which only makes your heart beat race, and they pull out the ultrasound machine and there you see your little baby moving around with heart beat and all. Almost 16 weeks now. Serendipitous.

For those of you who were wondering what it is like to have a feeding tube, I hope this gives a little insight. For those of you who weren't wondering.....why have you read this far?

Not sure if this post had any comic relief properties for you like it didn't for me, but this might help.....

Regan wants a brother and Sophie wants a sister. They just know I am going to have two in my tummy. During the ultrasound I said, "See girls, there is only one baby in there." Sophie replies, "Let's just pretend there are two, ok mama?" Hahaha

Regan asked me if I wanted a girl or a boy. I said it didn't matter, I would love a girl or a boy. Knowing she wanted a brother I asked if she would love the baby if it were a girl. She thought for a minute and said yes. Then I asked Sophie if she would love the baby if it were a boy. She pretty much immediately said no, only a girl. I told Regan that if we were having a boy, she would get ALOT of baby holding time since Sophie wouldn't want to hold a boy. Sophie pipes in, "Umm I think I like girls and boys." Hahahaha.......thought so.